MusingsfromtheDock

Welcome to my new site.

It’s summer—and if you’re looking for me, you’ll likely find me on the dock. Unless it’s raining, that’s where I spend most of my waking hours. I take my second coffee of the morning there (the first one is reserved for the quiet comfort of bed).

When the weather is kind—and it often is—I share the dock with family and friends. We sit, chat, and catch up on everything that’s unfolded in our lives since we last saw each other, during those long winter months away.

The dock becomes our gathering place, our confessional, our stage. It hears the laughter and the laments, the new plans and old wounds, the joyful updates and the quiet griefs. If it could speak, it would tell quite the story.

But when I have the dock to myself, it transforms. It becomes a place of stillness and reflection. I sit with the water and the sky and listen to what stirs inside me. Memories rise. Thoughts soften. I remember what matters.

There’s something about being surrounded by nature—by light on the lake, the rustle of leaves, the quiet strength of trees—that brings clarity. The beauty here doesn’t just sit pretty. It nudges you awake. It whispers: look again.

And truly, how can one stay heavy-hearted for long in a place like this? Sadness may come, but here, it breathes more easily. It finds space to shift, even to heal.

This site is a continuation of those dockside moments—of ponderings and reflections stirred by calm waters, coffee steam, and the company of honest conversation.

So come, join me on the dock. Let’s sit together awhile.

It has been a long time since I last posted. Life has been so hectic with friends needing my attention because of illness. Somehow, back in the simplicity of life on the dock, my mind focused on what has been bugging me in our urban culture.

The celebrity culture, the burnishing of the tech billionaires, and the triumph of sports all have impacted how we look at success.

Fuelled further by the deluge of social media posts, the triumphalism of travel with its bucket list commitments and Instagram posts, and the competition to be part of the jet-set, some of the most popular cities are now unable to cope with the onslaught. The tourist experience degraded.

A World Built on Selfies

The evidence of success is now so pervasive that it is becoming meaningless in any usual sense. We must all be celebrities, at least to our families, which means the endless seeking of approval and chasing praise from anyone as a measure of success. A world built on a pyramid of selfies, where we affirm our triumph at least six times daily and show our success through Facebook or Instagram.

Who cares about what the Kardashians do? I haven’t opened a single post on them, and I know many friends who haven’t, and they’re fine.

Society, however, pays off this silly success so strongly and needs to remember other areas of success. Success has become an obsession for many, resulting in crimes and, some say, the destruction of the family role as it becomes a praise machine for children’s “success.” 

Defining Success to Ourselves

What is obsession? According to the Dictionary, it is an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind.

The obsession with having these fashionable top-branded clothes and bags, the biggest house, the most expensive car, the highest paying job, the exclusive memberships, the trophy husband, and more is endless.

We are hungry for evidence of success as if nothing can ever satisfy our needs. Is this all there is, or can the realization of how silly images have manipulated us be the catalyst to move us from the brass ring of superficiality to achieve more and develop our definition of success?

If buying things and chasing other peoples’ dreams moves you to accomplish your goals, hunker down and pursue the Amazon purchasable dream. But if you want to provide well for your family, give children values, and define success as what you do to help others achieve, it’s time to move on.

You are ready for a new direction when you realize that your neighborhood is the second level of family and that helping others is a cornerstone value you can teach by being generous. For some of the very wealthy, we see this now, as many share whatever wealth they have achieved with those who need help by providing excellent health and education. It is what drives them to go beyond what is possible. 

Carefully defining success for ourselves is crucial. Climbing a ladder to the top rung and finding the ladder on the wrong building is heartbreaking. Think clearly and carefully explain your idea of success. Pick the proper structure.

The Obsession to Get Better

The obsession with purchasable success has made those unable to compete depressed. Many young people are taking opioids for depression. As the impossibility of the purchasable dream becomes evident, anger, depression, and self-delusion take over.

On the other hand, an obsession drives people to get better, to be more than what they are now, to give their families a better life than what they have had, and to give their children a better education. With a solid definition of success, they spend their time and energy to develop a more sensible world. What’s wrong with this? 

Obsession can be helpful. It pushes us to succeed and to achieve more. It is when we allow others to determine what we value in life or what is valuable in life and drive ourselves to accomplish those regardless of its impact on our personal experience that it has to stop. 

Most of us just let our friends’ choices dictate what shoes to buy, let our neighbors determine what cars to have, and let those glossy magazines make us buy things we don’t need.

Why?

Because we want to belong, we don’t want others to look down on us. We want to be the ones looking down on them. We say, “Once I have the biggest house on the block and the best car, too, I’ll stop.”  

​Where Do We Stand?

Time to assess where we stand. Are we to feed this obsession created by the market or focus our energy in a better direction?

Tips to Manage Our Success Obsession

1. Post on social media alternative ways of success

Today on Twitter, someone posted a picture of an old WW2 soldier marching to celebrate in an anniversary parade. She posted it and remarked that no one retweeted it, so she did. Yes, we retweet what would give us more likes and recognition.

2. Ask why and for whom you’re doing things

We traveled to Croatia and Spain in November and December, and because it was a bit chilly, we were always wearing our coats. We could wear the same clothes underneath, and nobody would notice. Because we were still moving from city to city, we wanted to avoid carrying enormous suitcases from the parking lot to the hotel. All those clothes we packed were so unnecessary. Before we do things, ask why we are doing it and for whom we are doing it. 

That’s in travel, but how many things have we not used in our homes in several years? For some people, how many of your houses have you not gone through completely in the last two years? How much of your jewelry haven’t you used in years? How many of your bags have gone out of fashion before you have used them five times? Why are you buying new items when they are not needed?

The temptation to buy is all around us. The bargains are just too good to pass up. It takes strong discipline to walk through those stores, putting out deals at the end of the season. But ask yourself before you go in. Do you need it, or is it one of those things you might need if something comes up? 

3. Live your values

For some of us, this needs to be clarified. What we stand for and what we genuinely value remains a mystery. Here’s what I suggest. List ideas, things, and experiences that are important to you. One by one, eliminate what you no longer use. What’s left? Take a look. I suggest adding something that you think is more important. You may need to refine your list, but it gives you a peek at what is essential right now. Start offering this your time and energy.

4. Share your Success 

See what you can do for those who don’t enjoy what you have and share with them. It doesn’t have to be money. It could be attention, time, or recognition.

5. Be with people who value what you value 

Associate with people who value the same things as you do. Then, you choose the things that are of value to you both.

There can be as many definitions of success as there are people. Design your own, or you will never be satisfied. 

I am a writer, and I love it. It has not been like this before. Blocks were stopping me from being a successful writer. I had to work on it. It was not because I was lazy. Maybe, it was because I did not have a schedule. I did it haphazardly. Of course, success eluded me for many years. Recently, I made a turn.

On my recent trip to New York, I picked up several books at my favorite bookstore, the McNally. I got a book by Elena Ferrante, and when I went to a cousin’s house for dinner, she gave me another Ferrante book that she got from the stack of books that neighbors leave in the laundry after they have finished reading them. I was so delighted that I spent days reading, not even watching a single show which used to be my practice in the evenings.

No, for a week, I spent time reading, and one morning amid a story, I felt strongly my desire to write coming back that I immediately went to my computer and wrote an article that I published on a publishing platform. Such love for writing lingered, and I spent a portion of several days writing whatever came to mind.

Somehow, the writing flowed. I have embraced the identity of being a writer. I haven’t done this before, even though I have written many articles for years. I felt I was not good enough even to call myself a writer.

A story from the past came to me, and I realized why I had the block about being a writer. Two incidents in my past stood out as crucial in making me think I was not good enough to be a writer. The first one was about my eldest sister, who is only a year older than me.

She was an excellent writer, which was evident even at an early age. It took her no time to write a story. It just came to her quickly to compose one, whereas I had to struggle to do it that often. I would offer to do her homework in exchange for a short story I could publish in our school paper. The teacher in charge of the paper invited her to be the editor-in-chief while she offered me the Features Editor.

My sister refused the offer to become editor-in-chief as she didn’t want to spend time writing. She was busy learning new songs and dances. She only wrote when I offered to do her homework if she did an article for me. It used to make me angry to see her do the piece in twenty minutes while I did her homework for hours.

The other story was when we had an essay competition on a topic I had long ago forgotten. When the judges delivered the results, I placed only second to another classmate. That nail clinched my belief that I was not a very good writer.

Since then, I never bothered to write except for homework and exams until my husband, and I decided to work as consultants in other countries. I agreed only to accept contracts that I could do wherever we were so we could spend time together. I had so much time on my hands, so I decided to write online.

Slowly, I would write articles but always asked my husband to review them to assure me it was worth publishing. I needed someone to affirm it was good enough. This review continued for years until he passed, and I lost that word of authority.

I got a mentor, but I had no one to discuss ideas with; somehow, I lost interest in writing. I gave away one of my blogs to someone keen to take it over and was happy with the transition. I thought of giving up writing and being comfortable with retirement, not doing anything, just enjoying life. Months of this did not bring me the enjoyment I thought I would gain from the decision. It made me even feel useless about not doing something substantial. I kept assuring myself I was retired now, so I should enjoy life.

Life was not enjoyable, so I kept searching. What is it that would make me happy? Little did I know that the flow came back in the simple recognition of being a writer, and I enjoyed sitting down to write.

The fear of not being good enough is gone what is left is the enjoyment of giving words to memories, events, observations, and experiences. It is weaving a story about people and life as it happens.

I now look forward to waking up, having my coffee, and sitting to write. Sometimes, the urge to write intervenes in the middle of reading, and I sit in front of my computer. It’s very liberating to get rid of that belief. It doesn’t matter whether I am good or not. I write.